When I was in sixth grade, there was another black girl in my school who would frequently bully me. She would make fun of me for wearing glasses, she would call me light-skin, she would make fun of me for being nerdy. She was in eighth grade at the time and to most six graders, standing up to a big bad eighth grader would seem daunting. But I knew there would come a day when I’d have to stand up to her and I knew I’d be prepared to face her on my own.
Unsurprisingly, that day came. I still remember it vividly today. During our lunch period, she thought it would be funny to put her lunch tray on top of mine as I was walking to the trash to throw mine away.
Much to her satisfaction, I walked to the trash with both our trays and proceeded to throw my garbage away. What she didn’t realize is that I kept her tray in my hand and while she cackled and at her handy work, I rolled up behind her and threw her trash on her.
I was ready to fight. I figured I’d get her so mad, she’d hop up and throw a punch. But she didn’t. She sat there stunned by what I had done. Her friends roared in laughter as I sashayed back to my lunch table.
From that day forth she never said a word to me again. She got punked and was shook.
But most importantly, she learned a valuable lesson. If you mess with me, you better be prepared to keep that same energy all the time because I will bring that same energy to you.
Nothing has really changed though…
At 25 I still deal with bullies, mean girls, and Bitter Becky’s all the time. I encounter some in the workplace, I encounter some in social settings. A while ago, I met a whole gaggle of Bitter Becky’s and unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid them. I had to deal with their snide remarks, catty attitudes, and generally just jealous and judgmental demeanors.
There were many times where I wanted to curse them out. I watch a lot of trash TV and had more than one Love and Hip-Hop fight scenario cross my mind. I kept trying think about what I could do differently to stop them from picking on me. But then I remembered something my parents have always told me, “As long as you’re not robbing, lying, or hurting anyone and you live your life with integrity and character, never be ashamed to be who you are”.
No matter if I’m five, fifteen, or twenty-five, this will always be one of my favorite quotes.
I have been accused of being many things I’m not.
I’ve been told I come across as cold and standoffish.
I’ve been called bougie or full of myself more than once.
I have been accused of having a sugar daddy because of the nice things I own.
Because I grew up in the suburbs, I tend to sound white. This frequently leads to me explaining to other people of color that although I may be light skin, I’m not white. I’m very much a proud Afro-Latina woman. When I walk into a room, I’m usually the sole person of color, the sole young person and sometimes, the sole woman. I have confidence in how I speak, but trust and believe, when I’m not using my “Can I speak to your manager?” voice I can still get just as sophistirachet as anyone else.
Many of my family and family friends considered me to be a “square” when I was growing up. They’re not wrong, I was nerdy, there was a period in life where I wore glasses and braces. YIKES. But you know what? I’ve got a college degree and a good paying job. I moved out of my house at 18 and never came back. I can’t say the same for some others…
The point is, no matter what I do, there will always be someone who just doesn’t like me.
But to this, I say, WHO CARES?
Quite honestly, I thrive off haters. My dad used to say in high school that I was so good at running because I always ran with a chip on my shoulder. Each season gave me a new “nemesis” that I had to beat.
He’s not wrong. Even as an adult, I find myself welcoming the opportunity to prove people wrong. I love competition, and I love to win.
There are some people though, no matter what you say or do that will always just not like you. And that’s fine. I find that 99% of the time, it comes from insecurity on their end. Jealousy, bitterness, and insecurity take so much energy to constantly hold onto. I don’t have time to worry about changing people who are too in their feelings about who I am.
To quote a famous man by the name of Childish Gambino, “Don’t be mad, cuz I’m doing me better than you’re doing you.”
Plain and simple. I could care less about finding approval from the people who don’t like me. But one thing they will do is respect me.
I say the same to anyone who has experienced this. And let’s be honest, we all have at one point or another. Be confident in who you are, don’t worry about the people who want to see you fail.
And always remember, if you made it clear you don’t like me when I’m not around, you better Keep That Same Energy when you see me.
[…] it’s who I am from day one. As I’ve interviewed and had dialogues with potential employers, I present my full Blackity Black self. If you want to hire me, show me you’ve done and will continue to do the work to make me feel like […]
Isn’t it funny how the “Bitter Beckys” never seem to go away but we just continue to grow stronger and better from it?! Also, living for the term “Bitter Becky” haha
This was a nice read. People always judge what they don’t understand… smh
I hate that people can be so mean to others. The world would be such a better place if we were all kind to each other. Thanks for sharing some insight about your past. Glad to hear that you’re focusing on the positive !
The lowest form of self hate is putting down others to build yourself up — I agree, it’s so sad to see that type of behavior, but it also makes it easier to brush off when you see that someone is lashing out from their own insecurity. Keep your energy — don’t ever let anyone take that from you!
I honeslty hate bullies they are the worst and they hurt so many people for no reason! Congrats for you killing it in your 20’s and taking the better road.
Amazing words that need to be heard by so many people. Thanks for standing up and being a light and energy this world needs! Beautiful post, girl!
Love your positive message! Bitter beckys are the worst and it stinks they always appear, but you seem to handle it so well!
It’s a shame that people treat others like this. But I’m glad you were able to overcome it and send them back their bitter and negative energy. The lunch tray story was quite classic.
I mentor told me that “hurting people hurt people”. Since then, I’ve tried to approach others that may seem mean with grace and compassion. Our world does not need any additional bullies. It’s amazing how far a little kindness can go.
This is a word! Yasss, whenever I meet people who are just nasty and mean for no reason, I always wonder…” who hurt you”. Sometimes I try to be sympathetic but other times, people just don’t deserve it.
I really love your mindset and appreciate you sharing these stories! And the advice from your parents is SPOT ON!
Thanks for sharing your childhood stories. So much of what happens when we’re kids shape who we become. Sounds like you came out the best version of yourself! Keep it up
that story made me laugh so hard – i can imagine little 6th grade you bowing up and gettin’ feisty! I love it!!
So small, but still mighty.
Thanks for sharing! I can sort of relate because I am also used to being the only person of color (especially at work). I’ve had my fair share of bullies and it made me learn not to be afraid to stand up for myself when the situation calls for it. Good for you for being the same!
i love the honesty behind this. i faced bullies too a lot because i’ve always been super short, but kind of like you it motivates me. still as an adult there are ADULTS to act like children. they push me to show them up in life because obviously there not satisfied with their life!
Yassss I hear you on that! Even in the workplace, I have encountered some of the most childish and irritating people. Sometimes you just want to say Grow Up!
I love the story about when you were a kid. Honestly bullies don’t walk it like they talk it
I am for all of this!!! keep that energy! I had to learn to ignore them and just keep doing me as well. Although it may be hard it something you have to do.
This is a great read! I will be giving my daughter this same advice. I love how confident you are!
I have encounter the same issues. I can relate whole heartedly to this post. People seem to always have something to say about your success. I have family that don’t talk to me unless they see I might be going through a trial. Love this…I can definitely relate.
Isn’t that the worst? Such a shame to not even find support for the people who should support and care the most.
This is so important to bring awareness to! I’ve had my fair share of bullies as well, mostly in childhood, and I wish I would have had the courage to stand up for myself like you did.
I never understood the catty behavior in women. When I was a kid I wasn’t like you and stood up to my bullies. But I learned to do it so just like you I’m ready if need be. But I never hope I have to be.
This is a word!! I had the same childhood bullies. I was light skin, curvy, with a high pitched voice. My high school teachers even picked on the way I sounded. But I think your parents saying is right and it is words to live by.
Yasssss to all of this!!???? It’s really sad and kinda crazy how people feel the need to talk down on others to feel better about themselves. I too have heard for the majority of my life that I sound white ?that is until someone makes me mad and makes me lay them out then I don’t hear it anymore for awhile ??♀️. People are always going to have something to say like you said it usually comes from a place of jealousy or insecurity on their part.
Oh it breaks my heart to hear about these past bullying situations! Girls can be so catty and mean can’t they? Cheers to you for going into your 20s taking the high road against the haters!